13 December 2013

A Good Day Reflection

I sat down with the idea to blog and I got distracted by the idea of creating a Christmas card. Squirrel! Wow, how easy it is to get distracted this time of year. It's a couple of weeks until Christmas and there is so much to do. Time for a little reflection.

I don't know what to write, I just want to write. Here's why. I have too much to say. My mind is whirling. I had a great day at work. I talked to a lot of really lovely people today. I've also been reading a great book. I also came to my senses. So far Friday the 13th has been pretty good.

I'll start with work. I had a potluck with the EAP (English for Academic Purposes) students today. I meet with a couple of the EAP students every week so I got an invitation to the potluck. Every year the students host a potluck and cook food that is delicious and a cultural smorgasbord. Delightful. Even better is the conversation. The students are from all over the world and they get along so well. There's a lot of laughter and support among the students. It always reminds me of how much we are all so similar while being so different. Diversity is a wonderful thing. It is a positive experience to be involved with this group and I applaud the faculty who work so well with the students; all such determined adults with amazing stories to share. They've seen and been through so much. It's eye-opening to hear their stories and it makes me proud to be a part of an organization that supports such an inclusive environment.

I had a good work day too. My colleagues are wonderful, all very dedicated and thoughtful. It's not easy to be the extrovert in a room full of introverts but they put up with me. I love what I do and where I work. Lucky? Oh yes. I'm not saying it's all sunshine and roses everyday but pretty damn close.

So I'm pretty happy with work. My children are lovely too. they both came home with great report cards and I am very proud of them.

I'm sitting at home now. It's a cute house albeit in need of a lot of work. My house is the only un-renovated house in the area but at least it's mine, warts and all. My cat welcomed me when I came in the door, squawking on and on about his day. We had a rough start, the kitten and I, but the cat and I get along great now.

I'm reading a fabulous book called 'The Ascent of Humanity' which I can only handle reading a section at a time. It's a book jammed with all sorts of ideas and insight into our world that are realistic but somewhat optimistic in nature. A rarity for a non-fiction novel. It's nice to read a bit before going to sleep...makes me think about our society and where we are heading.

I'm listening to folky Christmas tunes on CBC radio 2. A mishmash of alternative and varied tunes that you won't find on the top 40 stations. I'm drinking some nice red wine and sneaking a cigarette indoors because it is freezing outside today.

What a nice day. And I REALLY appreciate it. All the bad things happening in my life are parked at the door today. It's heaven really.

I said that I came to my senses recently and that is partially why I can appreciate where I am right now in my life. It finally dawned on me that I can be happy. It is simply a choice to be happy or not. And I choose to be happy. As happy as I can be; and grateful for what I do have. Life IS what you make of it. Taking chances is good. Taking risks is good. Being patient is good. Letting go is good. Accepting imperfection is good.

My point! It's simple I think. it begins with 'shut up' and ends with 'get over it'. Stop complaining, it's a useless thing to do and changes nothing. On FaceBook a friend posted a graphic the other day with words that basically said that if you are doing something you don't feel right about, walk away. What could be more truthful than that? Stop doing what you don't like and start doing what you do like. Why should that be difficult to do? Yes, some of what we have to do is not our favourite thing to do but it usually takes up only a small percentage of our day. Why dwell on that?

I'm not saying to be naive or ignorant. Definitely be well-informed, well-read and current, but put it into perspective. If you want change, do what YOU can from where you are. It will make you happy. Be creative, share your ideas, try something new, failure is OK and usually a great learning experience. Stay safe, be wise, be open to new ideas. If you disagree, think about why you disagree and fill in the gap with your knowledge and experience. Don't doubt things, ponder things instead.

We are living in a spectacularly rich environment with so much information at our finger tips that we should never be bored. NEVER! No one should ever say they are bored.

Please have a lovely day today. Merry Christmas!

24 November 2013

Exercise is Spiritual

Ah, my poor wee blog. So neglected lately. Seems I've not been sharing much lately. So she goes.

Today I write about exercise. To me, lacking any sense of connection to any organized religion and amused by the unwarranted devotion and fake sincerity of zealots, the gym may be the closest thing I have to a church.

Yes, exercise is a spiritual experience. I can only speak for myself but it seems that the point at which I cross the threshold, swimming or running, is the closest I will ever got to any sort of god. When the mind and body split, it IS a spiritual experience. What happens at that point...the threshold? Why is it at a certain point in exercise the body shifts into automatic and frees the mind? It's a fantastic experience and I think people who experience passing the threshold want to re-experience the sensation again and again.

Might I add that it comes natural to kids...who know the joy of exercise and play.

It takes a lot of time and practice to get to the point of being able to pass the threshold. It takes work and commitment. The improved fitness and health, well, they are just rewards for dedicating time to yourself. Exercise decreases stress and makes you feel good. You look better, walk taller, feel like you're achieving something. What religion is better than that? What religion can make people feel good and live better without hurting, judging and denouncing others? Name one. I can't.

When you stop exercising, you start to feel bad, maybe even look bad, and feel guilty or disappointed in yourself. Why is this? I think it is because of a lost connection to something that is, or was, a spiritual experience. I don't know, maybe this massive technological explosion is cutting off our spiritual connection which would be disastrous. Maybe it will be our downfall.

Go get some exercise please.


03 May 2013

Therapy Session


Is your life crazy? Work too crazy? Love life too crazy? Family life too crazy? What to do? I have no idea. How can we handle multiple pressures without getting crushed? Sometimes I bemoan the situation I am in...or in which I find myself.  Perhaps you do the same.

I sometimes play this mind-game where I attempt to make sense of all the craziness, which only makes me think "good lord, this is way too much to handle." And so, I prefer to acknowledge that my situation could be way worse...as it is for many people. I think about being selfish, greedy, needy and insecure. I think about being fortunate for what I do have and try not to focus on what is wrong or missing. It is a mental-game, but it works.

Often it is said that life is a puzzle and we have to figure out what piece is missing.  I disagree! Life is a mystery and all we can do is do our best with what we have. By that I mean that we have to do what we think it right and try not to hurt anyone in the process. To hell with the missing piece.

But, caution...do not foolishly skip around thinking only of how great is the world. There are villains out there. I am not referring to criminals but those who try to destroy others for their own gain. Watch out for them. Watch but do not react. Many villains are lost and do not realize that they are destructive. Some think they are doing the right thing. Beware. They will try to lead you astray. Be wise. Be confident. Be brave.

In reality, often for many people the world is too much. It's very depressing. There's a lot of pain and sorrow and it can drag you down. Sometimes you don't want to know and prefer to bury your head in the sand. But you cannot do this! You must face it...and being courageous will make you stronger.

Lead yourself and others will follow. Don't wait for others to act or lead you. There are no heroes, only ordinary people doing things that we all ought to do. Believe in the impossible. Empower yourself and try to find a focus, a passion, a path. The worst thing is to be an aimless wanderer. Worse still to be a sheep.

Mistakes will be made so learn from them, don't repeat them. Mistakes are common, it happens. No one is perfect.  Don't dwell on mistakes. Change your attitude.

What excites you? What inspires you? What makes you happy? Answer these questions privately, no one needs to know. Don't be jealous or insecure. Don't envy others. Everyone is different and on a different path. No two can be the same. Yours is unique and only you get to experience it. No one is completely happy and if they say they are, c'mon...they are lying.

Listen to happy music! Good, punchy, mood-changing music and dance to it. Thank god for music! You are the writer of your own story. Make it a good one!


17 February 2013

Saw, Axe, Wedge

I have not written for a very long time. I've been very preoccupied, with a relationship. But now I'm back and that means more reading, more reflection and more questions.

Firstly, having relationships, although difficult, are a great way to learn more about yourself because you get to see yourself through the eyes of someone else...always humbling...and important. It's too easy to fall into the trap of blinding self-confidence when you are not confronted with different ideas and sometimes challenging criticisms. Adding a new perspective to your view of things only makes the picture bigger, but not necessarily easier. I think I have a few more questions and a few more quasi-answers than before. I was naive in many respects.

That said, I'm rethinking some things and cautiously researching more carefully what I love to learn about, namely sustainability. Ugh, I hate using that word but it's fairly easy to surmise that I mean society, culture, economy and the environment. Sustainability is a word so big and so all-encompassing that it is easily misinterpreted and often misused. But lets leave that discussion for another day.

I was reading A Sand County Almanac again, by Aldo Leopold, and found myself reflecting on something he wrote:


"The saw works only across the years, which it must deal with one by one, in sequence. From each year the raker teeth pull little chips of fact, which accumulate in little piles, called sawdust by woodsmen and archives by historians; both judge the character of what lies within by the character of the samples thus made visible without. It is not until the transect of is completed that the tree falls, and the stump yields a collective view of a century. By its fall the tree attests the unity of the hodge-podge called history.
"The wedge, on the other hand, works only in radial splits; such a split yields a collective view of all the years at once, or no view at all, depending on the skill with which the plane of the split is chosen. (If in doubt, let the section season for a year until a crack develops. Many a hastily driven wedge lies rusting in the woods, embedded in unsplittable cross-grain.)
"The axe functions only at an angle diagonal to the years, and this only for the peripheral rings of the recent past. Its special function is to lop limbs, for which both saw and wedge are useless."


Saw, axe and wedge. Wow. Leopold alludes to the study of history and I can't help but think that his allegory reveals to me my own flawed thinking of sustainability. The concept of sustainability certainly is not new but how we think about it is. When we think about it, what do we think of? Do we saw through the layers in time tracing back to the root cause? Do we instead look for a single point in history and wedge out a chunk of time from there? Or, do we just cut through the periphery and examine only the recent past. In each case, each analysis will reveal very different results and each case, irrespective of the other, will provide false answers to the age-old question about man and nature. Or should I say man in nature? even this perspective assumes there is a divide between man and nature so the question itself is flawed.

When I think about sustainability I think I have a habit of rejecting what the axe reveals because it doesn't tell the whole story and get to the root. Even the wedge doesn't get to the root and I am way too focused on the root, the beginning of it all. Conversely, when I think about my relationship I focus way too much on the axe and wedge revelations and not the whole multi-layered, historically revealing slice from a saw. And I am baffled. Why do I do this? Is it my personal bias? I think so. It's too hard to get to the root of a relationship because it painfully reveals so much about yourself that you don't want to see or accept. It's too personal. 

This tells me that my desire to find the root cause of sustainability might mean that I am not personally attached to it. I don't see myself in the layers of time that lead us to where we are now, and that is wrong. My cultural-bias is too strong despite my most sincerest belief that I am thinking with an open mind. Obviously I am not. Leopold could connect with the natural world in a way that I can only admire and not fully understand. 

Cautiously I can move forward with this new awareness. Goodness, I knew that I was thinking with a 'western' perspective, I understand that...and was aware of that. But I did not realize that I was not feeling personally connected to the situation. I don't blame myself because I've removed myself from the cross-examination. The fact is I don't practice what I preach. I just preach it like sustainability is some sort of religion. And, now, immediately as I write this I want to defend myself to say that at least I'm doing something. What hell is this?!

St. Paul wrote:

"I don't understand myself. I want to do what is right but I do not do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate ... It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what's right, I inevitably do what's wrong." (Romans 7:15)

Mark Twain wrote:

"A habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs one step at a time." 

The challenge then is to figure out what the hell I am doing and why I am doing it. STEP. Why am I so curious and engaged with sustainability? STEP. Why do I not feel a personal connection? STEP. Why do I let myself be fooled by my own lack of understanding? STEP. These are questions that might help get to the root of my own personal biases that apparently affect everything in my life. Hopefully thinking about the saw, axe and wedge collectively I will do better...but it's a hard task to fell the tree to find an answer.